Adjusting to Motherhood: The Journey

One theme i've found that echos throughout the Mothering community is that Mamas lose themselves in their journey. We don't always see or feel what we envisioned when we had planned for a baby or even whilst pregnant. You find yourself in pain in parts of your body you didn't even know of, you're an emotional, burnt out hot mess. Because the exhaustion of labour, childbirth, breastfeeding maybe, then the colic.... aaand the list goes on. It's like you don't even get a break.

I know there are some who have the birth they planned and their child feeds perfect from the get go and maybe they're even lucky enough for their baby to sleep through the night from a mere few weeks old, but I know most of you are like me, its HARD, and its tough and its intense!

A little snippet in to my journey - I had miscarried three times, which inevitably led me the mentally and emotionally draining experience of pregnancy each time because I was always waiting for something to happen and I couldn't find myself releasing the negative energies from the experiences i'd been through. For this reason, I didn't get the excitement of finding out I was pregnant and nor did I find myself getting attached to my pregnancy when I had a successful pregnancy fourth time around. When I gave birth to my Son, Yusuf, I actually had a horrific birth - nothing like I had planned and I found it extremely traumatic. Looking back now I know there were many wrong things happening in the hospital and with the staff that made me feel pretty powerless and useless, from my birthing rights, to my decisions about my child, to breastfeeding; just general love, warmth and support in those first few days as a Mom that you absolutely NEED was pretty low. I was made to feel pretty shit about my lack of ability to breastfeed, I didn't get a moment to rest, where anyone else took over for even an hour so I could get myself together, and then there's being inundated with visitors after visitors aaafter visitors. And all I wanted to do was get a little sleep and enjoy my baby in my little love bubble. All anyone really seemed to care about was the joy of the new baby in our life, but its like you become invisible sometimes as a Mum, who has just made and birthed this beautiful human, but you also need to be held. The emotional process is so deep, and as an empath myself I felt so raw and exposed, I needed my own time to heal. The weeks of this eventually caught up with me though and I got anxiety and post natal depression.

So through my own mindset and self love work, on my journey of growth and healing, which I am incredibly passionate about, this is my view on the journey of Motherhood now and I hope it helps many Mamas view themselves in the most positive, loving light that they truly deserve.

Being a Mama is a powerful gift (YES, WE ARE LITERALLY SUPERHUMAN)

Trust your own instincts; know your boundaries and be proud to voice them because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind. A good example of this is how the Midwives at my hospital told me I wasn't making enough effort to breastfeed my child and they would have to take him to another department to be fed by someone else without me. I literally cannot believe I even accepted being told this now looking back. I was a first time Mum, struggling, confused and this made me feel incredibly undervalued, worthless and emotional. The actual reason my Son was struggling to feed is because he had a lip tie, which I have figured out myself, as his Mum. Of course I was the right person to care for and look after my child all along.

Birth doesn't need to be how it is in the movies, it can be the most beautiful experience when you are in control of your mind and your surroundings and had I asserted this more during my own labour I think this would have helped so much more in my birthing experience and recovery, entering Motherhood.

I also think it is incredibly important to find something for you just five minutes a day. For example, I love getting ready for the day. I love listening to a little music, being in my own space and doing my make up, I just feel good about myself and I'm set up to have a productive day; it's me time making me happier and healthier as a Mum. Mental and physical health is so important and I don't feel I can be a great Mum if i'm in an unhealthy space myself.

You must accept that you cannot perfect motherhood. Your whole world has changed and you have to grow with it because life will evolve regardless. You want to feel relevant in a life full of changes and challenges, so you need to stop pushing yourself aside; break through the wall and get to know yourself again. Acceptance and growth is a journey you need to fall in love with, from the realest, rawest place. Let the love flow through you. Celebrate yourself and love yourself, as only then you will have the capacity to do the same for your loved ones.

The joy and miracle of Parenthood is the incredible opportunity we have to grow ourselves whilst caring for another human being who is helpless to us. Pay attention to what your baby is calling out of you and what you are intuitively being driven to offer to them - a new version of you. We have the opportunity to cultivate greater awareness from moment to moment though all the changes that happen in the whole process - pregnancy and beyond. The preciousness of the present moment is very powerful and as your baby lives in each moment to moment they are inviting you to be a part of that; to focus on being rather than doing. Connect with your child, they are your teacher and guide in this world.

So the next time you catch yourself listening to your inner critique, or you feel the need to judge or compare yourself, I want you to stop remind yourself how powerful it is to be a Mum and consider how far you have already come. Ask yourself - isn't it time to open yourself to receiving what you want and deserve?

I'm here for this and I am genuinely so happy for you that you have arrived here too.

Whats one thing that you do that brings you joy in your every day life, what gives you energy and lights you up? What do you need to release to heal and grow?

What's your journey in Motherhood like so far and what have you found helps you? I'd love to know your thoughts below!